I Need A Closure.

April 25. That was the last day I talked to you, virtually at least. I told you that night that I was going to live a happy life, and I was going to try to live for myself, but not for you. Tonight, I have done the same thing trying to do that because of what I feel. I’ve been living that lie.

Those lies when I’d tell myself, I’ll feel better tomorrow, or feel better after I listen to this favorite song of mine, or play my favorite games on my Playstation. I’m working now, and I’m doing well in my job because I’m doing the stuff that I love doing. I’m designing the things for different brands and they reach nationwide audiences.

All of these things. I could be busy for tomorrow, and I have a lot of things lined up for tomorrow, but here I am. I am writing this letter on nights that have seemed to be longer than what I usually go through, and they do get longer as each day passes without having to see your beautiful face, or hear your cute voice that I used to love talking to at this time.

I told you last time that the letter I gave you was the last thing I’d give you, but then I lied about that too.  I’ve tried different things to try to let you go, and to try to stop feeling the things I feel ever since the day I found out that it was going to be true with you. I sometimes catch myself thinking of you in different parts of my day, or when I’m about to go home. (Oh, how excited I was to know that I’ll be Voxing you, and just talking about random things and find each other funny because we both knew what we felt for each other). I even tried courting other women, and you wouldn’t want me to get started on how those things went.

Enough of the drama. If there were one truth about all of these things that I’ve been going through, is that I need a closure. I need something to get me over what happened. I need something that could get me back to my feet, as I have never been the same person ever since that day. I feel like I’m not a person worth loving, or even a person who looks good both inside and outside, like it’s as if I was never made for anybody.  This might be too much for me to feel, but that is the power of pure desire to be with someone like you, and having to deal with the failure of not being able to be there by your side right now.

That day, I did not only stop talking to you, but I stopped being who I am. Please help me find myself once again.

Just As The Day I Met You.

Try it, and be in my shoes.
How difficult it is,
to be tongue tied,
because of your mere presence.

Times change too quickly,
and now we are just a memory.
Will you ever dream,
my dreams of you and I?

I can only keep on wishing
that I turned out freely,
that beautiful love story,
that can only transpire now through imagination.

I have not seen you since,
and I cannot help but wonder,
what thoughts roam in your mind,
and if you still feel my heart that beats for you.

I vied to paint pictures with you,
on how moments inspired by truth,
Just as how I thought you were as beautiful
just as the day I met you.

All of this,
and now we are just a memory.
Tonight, you make me poetic.
And the words are made alive by what I feel for you.

16/04/2013. 10:20 PM.

Beside You

This is for you. You know who you are. :) There was never a time where I let a day pass without thinking about you. This is just a preview of how I feel just by your presence.

I just don't realize it.
How much I truly like you,
until I realize how your smile.
Is better than any painted picture.

When I know that you're joyful
Through the phone and the sound of your voice
Is better than any written song,
and better than any sound I've ever heard.

It also happens,
when I see you simply fixing your hair.
How everything seems to be in slow motion,
and how I want to watch you over and over.

Do you know how cute you are?
Especially when you do not mean to.
Just by the way you act,
or just by being who you are.

For you, I'd take any chance.
Big or small.
Just knowing that I could make you happy,
fuels me to keep going.

I only wish for you the sweetest of songs,
and the brightest of summers
There is nothing like having a chance
of being there beside you.

When?

What one cannot see within a person,

is the most powerful of what the person would want to express.

He might have the straightest of faces,

but inside the tears just flow out like water.

He might be tired of all the work he has encountered,

but he might just be simply be tired of getting hurt.

He might look composed in his seat,

but his thoughts are running wild like animals in the savanna. 

All these what-ifs, wishes and dreams.

They will always be that way for some people.

That's a sad reality,

that not everyone would see within a person.

Yet it still might be the most powerful of what a person would want to express,

but not everyone would understand it just yet.

All I do, is keep asking "When?"