April 25.
That was the last day I talked to you, virtually at least. I told you that
night that I was going to live a happy life, and I was going to try to live for
myself, but not for you. Tonight, I have done the same thing trying to do that
because of what I feel. I’ve been living that lie.
Those lies
when I’d tell myself, I’ll feel better tomorrow, or feel better after I listen
to this favorite song of mine, or play my favorite games on my Playstation. I’m
working now, and I’m doing well in my job because I’m doing the stuff that I
love doing. I’m designing the things for different brands and they reach
nationwide audiences.
All of
these things. I could be busy for tomorrow, and I have a lot of things lined up
for tomorrow, but here I am. I am writing this letter on nights that have
seemed to be longer than what I usually go through, and they do get longer as
each day passes without having to see your beautiful face, or hear your cute
voice that I used to love talking to at this time.
I told you
last time that the letter I gave you was the last thing I’d give you, but then
I lied about that too. I’ve tried
different things to try to let you go, and to try to stop feeling the things I
feel ever since the day I found out that it was going to be true with you. I
sometimes catch myself thinking of you in different parts of my day, or when
I’m about to go home. (Oh, how excited I was to know that I’ll be Voxing you,
and just talking about random things and find each other funny because we both
knew what we felt for each other). I even tried courting other women, and you
wouldn’t want me to get started on how those things went.
Enough of
the drama. If there were one truth about all of these things that I’ve been
going through, is that I need a closure. I need something to get me over what
happened. I need something that could get me back to my feet, as I have never
been the same person ever since that day. I feel like I’m not a person worth
loving, or even a person who looks good both inside and outside, like it’s as
if I was never made for anybody. This
might be too much for me to feel, but that is the power of pure desire to be
with someone like you, and having to deal with the failure of not being able to
be there by your side right now.
That day, I
did not only stop talking to you, but I stopped being who I am. Please help me
find myself once again.
