I Need A Closure.

April 25. That was the last day I talked to you, virtually at least. I told you that night that I was going to live a happy life, and I was going to try to live for myself, but not for you. Tonight, I have done the same thing trying to do that because of what I feel. I’ve been living that lie.

Those lies when I’d tell myself, I’ll feel better tomorrow, or feel better after I listen to this favorite song of mine, or play my favorite games on my Playstation. I’m working now, and I’m doing well in my job because I’m doing the stuff that I love doing. I’m designing the things for different brands and they reach nationwide audiences.

All of these things. I could be busy for tomorrow, and I have a lot of things lined up for tomorrow, but here I am. I am writing this letter on nights that have seemed to be longer than what I usually go through, and they do get longer as each day passes without having to see your beautiful face, or hear your cute voice that I used to love talking to at this time.

I told you last time that the letter I gave you was the last thing I’d give you, but then I lied about that too.  I’ve tried different things to try to let you go, and to try to stop feeling the things I feel ever since the day I found out that it was going to be true with you. I sometimes catch myself thinking of you in different parts of my day, or when I’m about to go home. (Oh, how excited I was to know that I’ll be Voxing you, and just talking about random things and find each other funny because we both knew what we felt for each other). I even tried courting other women, and you wouldn’t want me to get started on how those things went.

Enough of the drama. If there were one truth about all of these things that I’ve been going through, is that I need a closure. I need something to get me over what happened. I need something that could get me back to my feet, as I have never been the same person ever since that day. I feel like I’m not a person worth loving, or even a person who looks good both inside and outside, like it’s as if I was never made for anybody.  This might be too much for me to feel, but that is the power of pure desire to be with someone like you, and having to deal with the failure of not being able to be there by your side right now.

That day, I did not only stop talking to you, but I stopped being who I am. Please help me find myself once again.